www.roboticblowjob.com

“What’s this?” said Joey, pointing to the Autoblow Blast sitting on the shelf next to the oil cans in Frankie’s Auto Bodyshop.

“That Joey, is the best goddam blowjob you’ll ever get in this lifetime.”

“No kidding!”

Joey was about to pick it up, but Frankie stopped him. “Hey Joey, give me a break huh, that’s my sex toy for Chrissakes, I don’t want you playing with my blowjob machine.”

“Oh, sorry Frankie”

“Your car will be ready in 20 minutes. Take a seat, read a magazine, make yourself at home. I’ll drive it out onto the yard when I’m done, ok?”

“OK cool” said Joey, hands in pockets “I’ll take a seat.”

“And don’t touch my Autoblow!” Frankie called back as he disappeared into the workshop.

Joey sat down and idly flipped through the old magazines, but they weren’t holding his attention. His gaze kept returning to the Autoblow Blast.

‘Best blowjob in the world, huh, how about that’. It had to be worth a try. Joey got up and checked that Frankie wasn’t within sight. He peeped round the door into the workshop but he was nowhere to be seen.

Joey snuck back to the shelves, and with one last furtive glance picked up the Autoblow Blast and walked across to the other side of the room. Now if Frankie suddenly returned, he wouldn’t see Joey giving himself the best blowjob he was ever likely to get in this lifetime.

Joey inspected the Autoblow Blast, quickly figuring out what to do. He unzipped and was just about to ease himself into the soft, inviting silicone sleeve when the whole room shook with an explosion.

Joey was thrown to the floor. The Autoblow flew from his grasp, landing several feet away from him. He was expecting a great blowjob, but nothing like this.

Frankie walked back through the door looking whiter than the paint job he had given to Joey’s Cadillac.

“Jesus H. Christ, what the hell happened here?”  he wailed. He saw Joey on the floor, but with relief, he noted he was picking himself up and dusting himself off.

Several oil cans had exploded leaving a swathe of slick, glistening oil all over the walls and the floor. Frankie asked Joey to help him with the fire extinguishers, and after a few minutes of hard spraying, the whole area was a mess of white foam, but the flames were licked.

“Jeez Frankie. I’m so sorry, I picked up your blowjob machine and a minute later the whole place just exploded.”

“My God Joey,” said Frankie staring earnestly at Joey.

“I think you might have just saved my life! That explosion was meant for me! A few folks know I like to relax with my Autoblow after a hard days’ work. I’m going to have to get the cops in on this one.”

“Will you still be needing the Autoblow as evidence?” asked Joey tentatively.

Frankie stared suspiciously at Joey. “I know where you’re going with this Joey and the answer’s no.  You might have just saved my life, but you’re not getting my Autoblow. Buy your own.”

Joey grinned and went and retrieved the Autoblow Blast from the floor. He handed it back to Frankie.

“Just a thought” he said.

“Maybe you should draw up a list of people you’ve refused a go on this thing. Then you might find your culprit!”

For further information on the incredibly explosive Autoblow Blast, visit: www.roboticblowjob.com

There’s a recession on, and the only thing tighter than money is these little love sleeves. We’ve picked ten low cost cock pleasers, all of them under $15.00, just so you can still walk about with a smile on your face. So fear not; you may not have a lot of money, but you can still have some honey:

Jack Grip UR3 Masturbator

From Doc Johnson, a UR3 Masturbator designed for easy grip and ribbed for powerful sensations. Makes a whole lot of cents.

Shane’s World College Tush

From Swedish Erotica, this one is a Senso sleeve that’s tighter than your budget but also nice and stretchy with senso beads for added sensations.

Quickie To Go

Another UR3 sleeve from Doc Johnson, you can choose from the pussy, the mouth or the ass, and each is a perfect quickie and cost cutting cheapie.

69 Ego Stroker

This is a CyberSkin sleeve from Topco with an easy grip exterior and real feel sensations. At just $10.99 it’s a great low blow.

Best Buy Pussy Masturbator

From Swedish Erotica comes this low cost lover with a ribbed shaft that’ll remind you just how tight things really are.

One Shot Masturbator

If you only have one shot, make it a good one. Just pop the top for this excellent one off pussy simulator from Swedish Erotica.

Sorority Pussy Masturbator

Things are really tight with this soft and stretchy Senso sleeve, again from Swedish Erotica. Added sensations are provided by the stroker beads all the way along your shaft.

Monica Mayhem Masturbator

This stretchy jelly jerk-off sleeve from Pipedream will give you a great time for just $11.99. You can also take Monica in the shower because the sleeve is fully waterproof.

Sidekick Sleeve Masturbator

Made by Vibratex, the people who make the world’s best selling vibrators, this seductively nubbed loved sleeve will give you a deliciously bumpy ride for under ten bucks!

Colt Blowjob Masturbator

Yet another Swedish Erotica low cost, good time sex toy, with a tight gripping noduled interior for a superb blowjob experience.

For the best sex, with or without sex toys, you’ve got to oil the wheels a little to get everything firing nice and smoothly on all cylinders. The different lubes to hit the market in the past few years are as diverse and dazzling as the masturbation toys you lube up for. Here is but a small a selection of the loads of hot love lubes that are currently out there.

Body Extreme Glide Personal Lubricant

This one guarantees a smooth and silky ride. It never dries out so it can be used in the shower or for passionate lovemaking – but it is not the best choice for sex toys as it is not water based.

Climax Silicone Lubricant

Another great oil based lubricant that won’t go dry on you, and provides smooth, non sticky moisture where you need it most.

Pjur Man Premium Extreme Glide

Designed specifically for gay guys to greater enjoy anal sex. The silicone formula guarantees longer lasting love sessions. Its odourless, tasteless and suitable for use with condoms.

Ultra Lube

Thick, clear and long-lasting, this water-based lubricant is the wettest, slipperiest lube ever. You can use this one for lovemaking or for masturbation toy lubing, it’s compatible with any kind of sex toy. It has a no spill cap so you don’t need to waste a drop. A big 16fl oz bottle at a very reasonable $11.50.

Essentials Personal Lubricant

A non drip, thick formula, this vibrator, condom and other adult toy safe lubricant can be used for just about any sexual activity that you and your partner can think of.

Adam & Eve Signature Lube

Long established superior water based lube at a very reasonable $8.99. Slick, non greasy and great for sex play or your most erotic masturbation toy adventures.

Doc Johnson Unscented Personal Lubricant

An excellent lubricant made from the finest quality silicone for ultra smooth application and a glide and slide that is simply the best. This clean, clear lube can be used with your partner or to get all lubed-up for your sex toys.

Swiss Navy Water Based Lubricant

Err…hmm, what exactly the Swiss Navy is doing manufacturing a sex lubricant is unclear, but nonetheless, it uses only the finest ingredients. This is a silicone and water based formula for great slickness and glide from a non-leak bottle or an easy pump action dispenser. Once again, perfect for partners or perfect for toys, lots of slippery fun courtesy of the Swiss Navy.

The Japanese manufacturers call this the first all dimension construction sex toy, and it’s amongst the best of the realistic pussy products from the land of the rising sun.

Utensil Race have made a whole series of first class masturbation toys, and the so called Extreme Hip is 5kg of squeezable, pliable top notch silicone technology. The innovative Utensil Race has been made to full scale and incorporates ‘zero diameter’ technology that replicates the feel of pushing through layers of soft flesh and muscle.

The difference with the Utensil Race Extreme Hip and a normal masturbator sleeve is that a normal one is just a hole or a love tunnel. The aperture or opening on the Utensil Race with its practically zero diameter perfectly imitates a real pussy, and it’s this that gives it its awesome authenticity.

And to ensure that the effect is as mind-blowingly realistic as possible, the developers inspected over 70,000 real life pussies! Yes, they were up to their eyes in pussy for months and months to ensure that the Extreme Hip replicated the exact internal dimensions of a real pussy. Maybe that’s why they call it Extreme. But the feeling as you lube up and plunge in is also extremely authentic.

Like all the best sex toys, there are separate entrances for the pussy and the ass, each with its own individual sensation and penetration experience – the anal entrance obviously being that bit tighter.

Unlike many sex toys it does not reek of plastic, instead it is fragrant, and the entrances are stretchy enough to accommodate even bigger boys.

But just how good is it? We let the paying customers have the casting vote:

“I’ve owned a few pussies/masturbators before, but this is hugely better than anything I’ve ever tried. When I first got it I was amazed at how close to the real thing it feels and also how amazing! There are bad points however : The back entry is far too shallow. I’m average sized and I think I could rip it if not careful. Also it’s difficult to clean, due to being closed off.”

“Wow!  Have all these toys so greatly evolved or is this one just really exceptional? It has a nice smell, almost like a real body, and it feels so realistic, it’s incredible. I can only compare with the one toy I had many years ago but I don’t regret buying this one. If you’re looking for a male sex toy then go for this one!  I had no problem using the back entry without tearing it apart and I’m not that small either!”

“I’ve owned many vagina style sex toys (and I mean many) over the years. From silicone to Cyberskin and rubber, but this really is the best thing on the market today. In my opinion, no other model comes as close to the real thing as this amazing real flesh feeling.”

“Full marks to the creator. I’m thinking of buying some for spares in case they stop making it. I don’t want to buy any other product. I also used the butt entry and there was no splitting whatsoever, even though I’m pretty big!”